Why It’s So Harmful to Assume All Feminists Hate Men
Newsflash: it isn’t true and there’s new research to prove it
Another day, another eye roll at the latest “all feminists hate men” comment on my social media feed.
An eye roll because I know it to be untrue.
I know it to be untrue because I consider myself a feminist, and I don’t hate men.
More importantly, I know it to be untrue because a huge new body of research says so.
The man-hating feminist is a pervasive stereotype, one that is widely believed. It’s also a) incredibly offensive and b) incredibly damaging because it redirects the conversation away from real female issues.
After all, if women be crazy, it gives us a reason not to listen to them, which is harmful to everyone..
Here’s why the “all feminists hate men” stereotype needs to die, once and for all.
The research says it all
This new piece of research is a never-done-before deep dive into what feminists truly think about men.
It turns out that even though feminists have been forever painted as man-haters, there has been little research to corroborate this.
This new study was different because it took a huge sample (10,000 men and women) across 10 different countries.
The main conclusion was that feminists display no more negative attitudes towards men than non-feminists.
In fact, it proved that feminists generally display positive attitudes toward men.
The study did make the point whilst there are misandrists (the female version of misogyny) within feminist movements— and I don’t doubt it — many feminists distance themselves from misandry.
One of the ways the study backed this up this was to point out how many elements of the feminist movement have been positive for men. This includes the dismantling of sexist drinking laws to fighting the law to acknowledge that men can be victims of rape.
As the study says:
These phenomena weigh against the conclusion that in general, feminists are motivated by negative attitudes toward men.
These results will come as no surprise to many feminists.
We know the man-hating feminist is a stereotype. But we still hear it almost every day.
It invades our social media feeds and the mouths of our male acquaintances and colleagues. If we’re really unlucky, we might hear it from friends or family members.
It’s a stereotype that continues to weaponise (certain) men against women. They get riled up and personally offended. In doing so, our issues become forgotten, swallowed up in their rage.
And therein lies the biggest issue about the man-hating feminist stereotype. That the more society believes it to be real, the less room there is for talking about real female issues.
Issues which have very little to do with men on an individual level and everything to do with society itself.
Blame the system, not the individual
When (some) men believe all feminists hate men, they don’t realise — or are unable to accept — one major thing.
We are not angry at individual men (although I’ll admit there have been exceptions, like when a guy physically stopped me from talking because he wanted to hear from my husband).
We’re angry at the system. One which is harmful to men as well as women.
That study had some interesting insights into what they called liberal feminists. Liberal feminists are women who believe that men’s behaviours are not innate but societally driven.
Liberal feminists generally display positive emotions towards men which makes total sense. If you believe someone is negatively influenced by external sources then you’re more likely to blame the system rather than the individual.
By this definition, I count myself as a liberal feminist (I would count most of my feminist friends as such, too). I do not believe men’s bad behaviour to be inevitable. In fact, I find it an incredibly annoying get-out clause that I hear more often than I like.
“That’s just what they’re like.”
“They can’t help themselves.”
“It’s their nature.”
As Zawn Villines says in her brilliant essay Hello! You’ve reached the “Not All Men” Hotline:
The real hatred of men is in the belief that men can’t do better, and that the bad behavior of men is inevitable.
Liberal feminists don’t blame any individual man. They blame the system.
It’s a system that upholds our disadvantages. That is responsible for big feminist issues like the division of household labour or not being believed when we’re attacked or assaulted.
Yes, the patriarchy exists because of individual men, but not any one individual. Which is exactly why many feminists don’t hate all men.
Far from it.
Feminists are not as binary as the man-hating feminist stereotype likes to believe. Many of us will assess men on an individual level, not a blanket one. If you tell me I’m only good for cooking and making babies, I’ll have a problem with you.
But if you prove yourself an ally, we’ll get on great.
And I know plenty of allies.
The man-hating stereotype damages everyone
It means that whilst 79% of women believe they should have equal rights to men, only 19% identify as feminists because they don’t want to be branded as man-haters.
It gives men who believe the stereotype a reason to dismiss women and women’s issues. It redirects the focus onto them and away from important female issues.
It upholds patriarchal standards that are incredibly damaging for men. Men who are told they can’t cry or be vulnerable. Who are told their penis is too small to be a “real” man. Who have to pretend to be someone they’re not.
The man-hating stereotype has been proven to be on very shaky ground and for that, I’m delighted because that helps everyone — not just feminists.
Of course, I’m not expecting much to change quickly. One body of research — however robust — is not going to squash the man-hating feminist stereotype overnight.
But it’s a start.
And Lord knows we need that. Because we have to fight against stereotypes that stop progress. I don’t want to see any more women being scared to fight for their basic human rights for fear of being branded a man-hater.
The right to safety. Freedom. Equality.
You don’t need to hate men to fight for those rights.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to spend time with my two favorite humans in the world — my brother and my husband.
No hate. Only love.
Charlie Brown is a British wine pro and niche-avoidant writer living in Portugal. She writes about everything from food and wine to feminism to cultural commentary. More here.