How 21st-Century Women Can Leverage Their Greatest Power
Girl to woman to crone, finding your strength in sisterhood
There are overlooked living, breathing, estrogen-powered warriors walking among us today.
They are our mothers, aunts, grandmothers, and their mothers.
In the evolving struggle for women’s rights, each generation follows the preceding. And each new generation feels that they own the fight.
This is true — each generation does own this fight — in joint tenancy with every generation before them.
It’s easy to forget this when focused on individual roles in this war. There is a bit of a battle within our ranks that is rooted in generational angst.
First-wave suffragettes may be gone, but many of our second and third-wave sisters are with us still, and some feel left behind.
Are we leveraging their power in today’s fourth wave of the women’s rights movement?
The fight for women’s rights first wave grew from 1848 to 1920. It swelled to a second wave from 1963 to the 1980s, and a third wave that began in the 1990s pushed these tidal forces to a fourth wave, which is upon us now.
21st-century women face a different set of struggles than those of our great-greats.
Our fearless foremothers had to start from scratch, as they had no rights until they fought for and put them in place. They worked to ensure that today, we benefit from and continue their work.
They could not begin to address the root causes of gender discrimination until the right for women to vote was in place.
Issues that could not be addressed by our predecessors can and are being addressed now because they fought for the means we use today.
It’s known that many women were overlooked as the fight for rights unfolded. While tremendous progress was achieved, many women were left behind, unfairly, for many reasons.
Gloria Steinem on the role of women of color in the suffrage movement
Let’s try to not do that again.
At its foundation, feminism seeks to ensure that women are considered human beings and respected. To assure that people of all genders live together and share this planet equitably.
It’s that simple.
Yet incredibly complicated and difficult to implement.
Obstacles get in the way.
For instance, one of my experiences late in the second wave left me feeling confused and guilt-ridden, my confidence shattered.
I left a gritty job in a male-dominated industry, doing a ‘man’s’ job, when I became pregnant. Decades later, I still feel like I betrayed the feminist movement.
Choosing to forgo my career so I could raise my children was controversial, it wasn’t easy. Not much has changed about this since then.
Nowadays, I sometimes feel intimidated by the fourth wave of feminism. I don’t want to be intimidated. This bothers me, even though I know the reason for my feelings.
I sometimes feel unwelcome when in the company of younger people, like I don’t belong. My gray hair is a flag that some, not all, younger people take as a signal to ‘dismiss’.
As I stumble into social media posts and other media sources full of younger women bashing and blaming older people, older women, for their problems, this intimidation morphs into disappointment. And then to fury.
It’s easy to dismiss and ridicule something you’ve not yet experienced.
Blasting Boomer, GenX, and even Millennial mothers and sisters as ‘old’, ‘useless’, and ‘clueless’ is not uncommon. Watch out Gen Z, you’re next. The Alphas are right behind you.
My brain tells me to be kind to the perpetrators of this hurtful rhetoric. These words are hurled by those who are ambitious, full of fresh energy, and seeking truth in their power.
The smart thing to do is respond with compassion.
But in my heart? That place where I think and feel what I should not say out loud?
“Give us a break, you uninformed selfish little twit.”
Or worse, “F*&K you too!” (Who’s the bitch now?)
I could say these things out loud publicly, but that would not be helpful. That’s the point.
Yet, women are stating these sorts of things about their sisters out loud and in public anyway.
It’s hurtful to read things about aging that would be considered taboo if applied with the brush of stereotype to anyone’s race, faith, social class, or any other group as a whole.
Even when used for a cheap laugh (which to be honest, can be funny) and not an angry rant, this bashing is detrimental. It serves to weaken the foundation built by those who came before us.
The foundation that supports us as we build upon their blood, sweat, and tears.
The Night of Terror: When Suffragists Were Imprisoned and Tortured in 1917
Technology and all things young people love and use would not exist without our ‘clueless’ old people. Yet, an entire generation of old people are targeted for not being caught up with the times.
Sometimes, a person is daft or uninformed because that is their nature, not because they are of a certain generation.
It’s infuriating. I digress.
As the fourth wave gains momentum, many strong older women from all walks of life go unseen, are sometimes shunned, and even blamed for the current state of things.
This is not helpful. It’s getting in the way of progress for all of us.
How is this even allowed to happen?
I suspect that it’s mostly unintentional. It’s buried in systemic ‘everyday ageism’ in society and often goes unnoticed.
Examples of everyday ageism that undermine a woman’s power include:
Well-meaning but condescending ‘help’:
“Oh! Let me help you with (insert anything here that anybody not experiencing advanced dementia can do on their own)
The back-handed compliment:
“You’re so (insert compliment) for your age”
The “Why is young considered so much better than old?” conundrum:
“You’re so young at heart!”
Is youth a prerequisite for happiness? Can ‘old at heart’ be a wisdom thing old people tell young people? If so, fair is fair.
And my pet peeve — Anti-aging bullshit:
This is especially potent when it comes to women. Keep in mind — death is the ONLY anti-ager.
I’m Anti-Aging! Oops, I’m Dead. Arwrgh.
Ageism targets all ages, relative to its source.
While picking on our crone sisters is the focus of this story, let’s acknowledge that ageism works both ways.
Older people can be just as cruel to young people as young people can be to old.
It’s a vicious cycle that is as old as time (no pun intended). I’ve commented on how cruel younger women can be toward the gray-haired set, but older sisters are sometimes culpable when undermining generational solidarity among women too.
While these generational divides exist, the gaps are narrowing. We are making progress.
It’s not all doom and gloom, and this is only one perspective on a subject that’s been around for a long time. If ageism in the feminist movement is something you had not considered, think long and hard about it now.
One day, if you don’t die first, age will come for you too. Best to be prepared.
When confronted with dumbass ageist comments from people who don’t realize what they are saying, it’s hard to put our unspoken thoughts and feelings aside.
Supporting each other, despite our differences, in our efforts to pave the way for generations ahead of us is hard. Any suffragette would tell us this if they were here to see how far we’ve come.
The successful outcome of any movement is determined when said movement is no longer needed. One day, people won’t need to be feminists. We’ll all just be people living together, sharing this planet equitably.
Our common denominator is that we are all human beings living on this tiny planet. Let’s start there and learn from each other.
We can leverage our power together and own this fight.
A final note that is somewhat related to everything you’ve just read:
“What about the patriarchy?”
Well, that’s a subject that often pops up in response to articles about feminism, whether the patriarchy is the subject of the discussion or not.
This time, let’s give a positive shout-out to the men who have come a long way alongside women. After all, they are human too and can be counted among the ‘some of us’ who feel uninvited to ride the waves of feminism.